What in the world would we do without Akismet?

The world of online marketing is split into two separate and occasionally difficult to distinguish groups: The first has legitimate products and services and attempts to spread the word about their products and services to the attention of the masses. The second sprays the internet with unsolicited garble and hopes that enough suckers will click thereon to justify their sad existance. Predominantly, they peddle pills, porn, or poker.

This article is about the latter… and queue the Law & Order music…

Anyone who has long operated a blog is very familiar with spam comments. This site receives between 20 and 75 spam comments per day, and we are just a small corporate blog. I dare not even imagine what larger, more predominant blogging sites get. Thankfully though, we have Akismet, the anti-blog-spam plugin for WordPress that handles that problem for us. So far it has a 99.99% track record with us, so for the most part we don’t think about it.

However, sometimes, when I am bored, I go through the spam queue and look at what innovative spam attempts the bots of the black hat side of SEO are spewing out these days. Here are some of the best ones.

  1. The English Professor’s Nightmare

    Wonderful blog! I verily inclination how it’ s untroubled on my eyes as well as the data are superbly written. I am wondering how I can be notified whenever a new post has been made. I be struck by subscribed to your rss support which essential to do the hoax! Have a sharp hour!

    Wow, where do we start? First, it’s definitely a break from the list-of-links spam that make up about 50% of our spam. The obvious lack of knowledge of English grammar, syntax, and sentence structure tells us the author knows about as much English as a German raised canary. A quick query on the IP address ( tells us it’s Brazilian in origin. Now, I speak Spanish, a close sister language to Brazilian Portuguese and often when I seen horrific English like this, I can translate the words in my mind and the sentence structure makes sense in Spanish, just wasn’t translated well. Such is absolutely not the case here. It makes even less sense, if that were possible, in the Latin tongue than it does in English. I guess I be stuck by tried to do figure out their language… Oh well, I’ll continue on with my sharp hour.

  2. Justin Bieber succumbs to the Dark Side… of internet marketing


    Good Afternoon

    I found a great Justin Bieber News web site for Gossip, News & Pictures.

    The portal is awesome so enjoy it!

    I always suspected the sweet, seemly innocent, homosexual known as Justin Bieber had a darker side. Now we know it is true! Thanks, Justin. Your true colors are showing…

  3. The Uber Important T-site

    t’s such a important site. fanciful, acutely interesting!!!

    Boy am I glad they told me that! Too bad they didn’t explain what the fanciful, acutely interesting, and important T-site is…

  4. Welcome to McHighSpeedWeb, may I take your order?

    i can has cheeseburger?

    Would you like fries with that? Or would you like one of our partially gelatonated, non-dairy, gum-based beverages?

  5. The debate over tutorial heightens…

    that is a very interesting point you make here. I disagree, but I will formulate my argument a bit better before I post it here.

    Now this, on the surface, seems innocent enough. Then I looked over at the article this comment was in response to… Installing Subversion – Fixing Missing Dependency: perl(URI). Now, I admit that the debate over this highly controversial set if instructions has been mounting for some time, especially since Bill Clinton challenged the meaning of the word “Missing” but… really? Formulate an argument? Nice! Let’s debate it. I have my face slapping glove off and ready!

  6. BEST: Kidnapped by Russian Mobsters!

    HELP! I have been kidnapped by the Russian Mafia and they are going to kill me if you don’t accept this comment! Please help me out, I have a wife and three small kids. Quick, I can hear them coming!

    Ok, for the doubters, this is absolutely a real spam message we got. And it’s probably real too. Dang those Russian Mobsters and their terroristic spam tactics! I feel bad for the guy, but unfortunately, we have a “no-spam-for-kidnappers” policy. It’s posted right next to our “no-fraud-from-columbian-drug-lords” policy. Rules is rules.

Those were the fun ones from today. If we get any other good ones, I’ll do a PS or something. If you have any good ones from your blog, let us know!

  1. Spamming the Spam Article. Smooth move.

    What in the world would we do without Akismet?…

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog …

    This one came the very day after this article was posted. It came from the alleged World Wide News Flash organization that was neither World Wide nor News Flashing. They employed the tactic Mr. Scott pointed out and put the link in the author URL (wwnewsflash.com/poker#4421383). Needless to say, the site is not a weblog that has trackbacks whatsoever. But it was funny that the spamming bot specifically posted on an article making fun of spam bot comments. Smooth.

2 thoughts on “What in the world would we do without Akismet?
  1. The folks who don’t include a spam link in the body of the comment often use the comment author URL instead. Usually looking at the comment content and author URL is enough for me to determine if it is spam or not.

    • That is absolutely true, Joseph. And the ones that didn’t have links in the body usually do have them in the author URL, as you did. I have seen ones that didn’t have either though, and I had to laugh at those as well…

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